lessons from singleness cont.

6.) Buy yourself presents. Because it's fun. Because you can.

I have a habit of doing this. I'm making up for lost time. I don’t know why but I use to feel guilty for buying myself things. I would always spend money on the house, husband, son etc. Very rarely did I buy myself a present. Not clothes or something to use in the kitchen but just because I wanted it. My scrapbook room proves otherwise now.  It’s the first hobby that I’ve seriously had. Only I use it in the house and do it simply because I enjoy it.

7.) Go on dates with God.

I've booked a date with God on my calendar many times. He's the perfect match. He never stands you up. He keeps His word. His gifts you never want to return. They are perfect. He is faithful. He's committed to you for eternity.

8.) Help someone. Help many.

News update: you aren't going through a circumstance or have gone through something just for yourself. I was amazed how quickly God brought me women to help go through the same situation I was going through. I started opening up and sharing with people while I was going through my divorce and was amazed how many women sought me out for help, advice, prayer and just input.

Satan tries to make you isolate yourself with depression. You turn inward. When you help others you aren’t focused on yourself. Serving others helps you heal. It’s a beautiful thing all the way around. Try it.

9.) We are a family.

It took me a very long time to get this. Maybe it's not hard for you. It was for me. I couldn't think of my son and I as a family. It was broken. For the longest time I had a scrapbook album to fill and the cover said “Family” on it. I avoided using it because I didn’t feel like we were a family. It now contains vacation pictures Bryce & I took with friends to beautiful South Carolina.

10.) It's not a disease.

People will constantly try to set you up. They mean well. Dating to fill up an evening or get a free meal isn't for me. My time is valuable. Some may not understand being content single. You CAN go to an event alone. It’s okay.

lessons from singleness

I’m not an expert and in the grand scheme of life I haven’t really been single that long.  Seven years and counting.  It’s a miracle I can even write that because some days, it feels like forever.  Good thing emotions aren’t true reality.  Thankfully circumstances are temporary.  Here’s some random lessons I’ve learned.  However, I’ll start with the most important of all.

1.)  God is enough.

He HAS to be.  A husband and a baby or kids aren’t everything. You see I was lost in my identity in being a wife and mom.  I was consumed.  From a little girl it was all I wanted to be when I grew up.  It was an idol.  I have a purpose greater than those two titles in the world.  To further the kingdom of God!  However He sees best for me to do that I faithfully need to do.

2.)   Alone time is priceless; it’s productive; it’s necessary.

Do you hear that?  It’s quiet.  I’ve grown to LOVE it.  It’s one of those things that I would redo if I could.  Get more alone time.  My personality is a sanguine (outgoing and social).  Man do I love hosting people over, attending a party or just hanging out with family or a girlfriend.  I book up quick!  The younger me was never alone.  I was afraid to be alone.  The new me has gone to a movie alone & enjoyed it.  Not because no one was available but because I wanted to.  I’ve stayed in a hotel room away just for me.  I’d say I’ve made progress. 

3.)   I don’t need a husband, but I would like one.

I have an amazing church, job, house, land, car, scrapbook room……you fill in the blank.  I am extremely blessed.  I can make it on my own.  To be honest from the material things perspective I’ve done better single than when I was married.  The only debt I have is my mortgage.  I’m in the biggest house I’ve ever lived in. ETC ETC.  I would gladly give it all up tomorrow if saying “I do” required it.  However, Mr. Right is going to be worth it.  I bring a lot to the table. This brings me to the next point.

4.) Know your value

I know my worth.  I’ve worked hard at it. I don’t mean in a conceded or prideful way.  Please don’t take it this way.  I just mean don’t settle for just a man (or woman) just to be blessed married.  It’s not worth it.  I’ll stay single until God calls me home or comes back Himself.  Marriage is tons of work and I’ve said all along, the man I marry will be worth all that work.  Instead of making a mile long list of what he should have, I’ve put more energy into what I should bring.  It’s more rewarding that way. 

5.) Don’t wait around until “then”

Check things off your “bucket list” now.  Don’t sit around for him/her.  Buy that house.  Go on that vacation.  My next to do item is a missionary trip with my teenager.   Those plans are in the works.  Find your individual purpose.  I promise you it’s not just being a wife/husband and/or a parent.  I can’t tell you how many times I have said to my girlfriend or have thought to myself, when would I have time to date?  Time flies when you’re having fun.  Don’t waste today dreaming for “when.”

Being single has been worth every minute.  I’m convinced I could have never grown any other way.  God is good like that.  He knows just what we need to go through.  Trust Him, right where you are at.  Right down the path you are on.  Trust me, there’s a bend or a new road soon.  For me, as long as I’m not going backwards then things are looking up.

……….to be continued.

a hope injection

This is a phrase I’ve learned from a wonderful friend.  She has a beautiful gift of turning a horrible circumstance, nasty day, down-n-out moment into something positive. This friend’s life is a continual hope injection to me.  I’m so thankful for her.

A little over a year ago I called her up sobbing like a baby.  Gut wrenching, puffy eyed, snot dripping all out fit!  (I warned you I’d be transparent, I don’t pretend well)  Now to give me some credit, I’m tenderhearted and that’s a good thing.  However, I don’t have frequent tantrums and fits.  Really, I don’t.  Drama doesn’t suit me well and I don’t put up with it very well either. 

On that day I had gotten some news that I would have chosen otherwise.  After crying and sobbing out to God, I called my earthly lifeline.  I needed a hope injection.  When you are single, there is no one to ask you how your day went on a daily basis.  There is no one to pray with you regularly.  I’m not asking for sympathy, just trying to express single life.  The other horrible reality is, I’ve been in a marriage where this exact thing was true.  Days and weeks gone by where you didn’t get asked how your day was or pray with you on a regular basis.  OUCH!  Being single there is no daily expectation of this.  Being married, you would tend to have these expectations.  I must add that I wasn’t perfect by any means in my previous marriage.  I had faults, selfish motives and failed way too often as well.  My point is our expectations of others and how quick we overlook our own responsibilities. 

This same wonderful, awesome friend once said that she began a habit of asking her husband at the end of the day, “How could I have served you better today?” WOWSERS, I just love that!  Isn’t that what marriage is all about?  Serving the other one above your self.  I read in a study guide for singles by FMU (Future Marriage University) that a marriage proposal really is (or should be), “Do you accept what I have to offer?” 

Instead of the ever so common phrase, “Always kiss me goodnight,” a different phrase I will choose to have on the “wall” of my heart someday when I’m married is “How could I have served you better today?”  Kissing someone goodnight can still hide a lot.  Having someone always kiss you goodnight, is receiving something.  Asking someone how you could have served them better changes things up a bit.  At least for me it would.  I recently read a great book by Gary Thomas called, Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make us Holy More Than to Make us Happy?  It changed my life.  It changed the reason why I long to be married again someday.  

During this time of singleness I’m busy studying for the biggest test of my life, marriage.  I don’t want to wait around for the test and not know the material so to speak.  What you invest in something is what you get out of it.  When this life is all over, we answer for ourselves, no one else.  That is huge.  It is reassuring on some level.  On another level, it’s overwhelming.  How many times have I been guilty of my own agenda?  The answer is embarrassing.  

Single or married, I would like to challenge you & myself to ask God, “How could I have served you better today?”  I would like to challenge you to be a hope injection to someone else today.